Ultimate World Cruise, Part 5 (Time Flies, Nearly Random Thoughts, and “Aunty Arctica”)

Welcome back to the Serenade of the Seas. Home of the 9-month Ultimate World Cruise. As I write this we are on day 37 . . . I think. I’m not sure because the days really do seem to roll together into one large pleasant lump of rapidly passing hours and days.

Royal Caribbean is kind enough to tell us the day of the week with an insert in the floor of the elevator. But that only helps so much. I pretty much just go by the ports.

So it doesn’t help that we spent the last four days at sea going past Cape Horn and through the Drake Passage and up (down?) to Antarctica. Seemingly overnight the weather went from tropical to considerably less so. I’m really mixed up with the whole Fahrenheit to Celsius thing so I’m just going to say that it got really, really cold for your average Florida Man.

On this ship I have been told at least seven different foolproof ways to convert Celsius to Fahrenheit and I’m still confused. One of them involved dividing my zip code by the age of my first grade teacher (Mrs. Smith) and adding the average lifespan of a cocker spaniel. So using that formula it was approximately 327 degrees Fahrenheit in the Antarctic.

But enough about that. Let’s just say that I was ill prepared. My hoodie and long sleeve non-sweater left me unable to stand outside and admire the majestic beauty for more than 9 seconds at a time before I had to scurry back indoors to discover new ways to calculate the temperature.

There was beauty indeed. Hopefully Dianne the Great has added pictures that will in no way do it

justice. What can I say that hasn’t already been said much better than I can? It is so beautiful, so different and so awe inspiring that it makes me feel as if I am seeing a completely different planet.

The Drake Passage is known for having some of the roughest seas on this world, but truth be told, it wasn’t that bad. If you are a constant reader then you already know that I have been through much, much worse. Even so, we were rocking around a bit. Our grand middle-aged lady of a ship creaked and moaned but ultimately stayed strong. As I knew she would. But there were some frayed nerves and full barf bags for 36 hours or so.

But it was well worth it. Did I mention that it is heartbreakingly and incredibly beautiful in an almost other worldly fashion? Yes? I thought so.

So naturally, it’s time to talk pets. I miss my dog. I wonder how this cast of Thurston and Lovey Howell III’s feel about leaving their pets (and illegal immigrant maids and gardeners) for a bit more than a three-hour tour. I am one of those people that feel like it is unnatural to live without an animal by my side. Yes. I’m weird but I’m sure I'm not the only one who feels that way or misses my dog.

On the other hand I am pretty sure that I am the only one to adopt and name a pet fly during the voyage. Buzzy boarded in Argentina and has been bravely guarding my cabin ever since. As flies go,

my boy Buzzy is the nuts. He doesn’t fly around my head and annoy me. He just chills out nearby and feasts on whatever residue is left out. And I’m not ashamed to say I’ve actually googled what he/she might like and need. So there is always a cup of water and a plate with a bit of sugar on it in the cabin. Do I need to mention what else they like? Nah, I’m sure you know.

I’m also taking credit for likely saving Buzzy’s life. If I had shooed him out of the cabin in Antarctica I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have made the trip home with us. When we get back to warmer climates I will be less vigilant about making sure he stays in the cabin. He can live out his life in an all new city with new and exciting dumpsters to explore. Most of which are tidier and smell better than my cabin.

So we are a little more than a month into this thing and I'm beginning to notice subtle changes in the behavior patterns of my fellow travelers. Nothing concrete, just a slight air of unease or perhaps rampant alcoholism. For instance, yesterday I was waiting for an elevator when I suffered a near fatal stabbing. Sorry, just seeing if you were paying attention. It wasn't that close to fatal. But people do seem a bit different than they did a month ago. Some of that spark and straight out of the package newness seems to have faded into a daily routine punctuated by occasional sea sickness.

Nine months is a really long time to do anything. Even something as awesome as this. No matter how much you might like ice cream there is still such a thing as too much.

During the first week, this seemed very much like an ordinary cruise. You find your cabin. Watch the safety videos and wait for your baggage to arrive. I usually use this time to do a deck by deck survey, so I have at least a vague idea of what is where and what is what.

New foods, new drinks and new friends. Ok, maybe not friends. But you definitely get some new acquaintances (in reality, I feel like I have made some lovely new friends). Then you see your first show, hosted by our cruise director. For me, the next stop is always the casino.

But as days, and now weeks, drag on I can't help but feel that a good chunk of the 9-monthers are having their doubts. If I had to guess, I would say that a third or more of them will not make it to the finish line. This despite the fact that it is nearly impossible to get a refund for the time missed. Chances are you would have needed to buy trip insurance and then cook up some kind of medical situation.

The food on this ship is nothing short of excellent. Perfect across the board? Of course not. But it is very good quality, consistently at temperature and offers astounding variety. Yet I have somehow overheard at least 5 random people lamenting the fact that they can't just order out for Chinese. Just imagine the Doordash delivery fee for that order. Here is the bill:

Mushu pork $11.99

Shrimp with lobster sauce $13.99

Quart mixed wonton/eggdrop $4.99

Two spring Rolls $3.99

Sub Total 34.96

Delivery fee $2364.74

Total $2,399.70

And then you would need to add a tip. I'm not sure what's appropriate for this situation. With my luck he'd forget the plum sauce for the mushu wraps. I wouldn't have the heart to send him back for it.

As always, thanks for air dropping in. I'm always grateful for your thoughts, opinions and feedback unless it involves a bayonet. And of course I want you to help save the world by reading Why The Fuck Not? Also feel free to check out my novels plus my earlier, non-cruise blogs. All available at

DavidLitvin.com

But wait, there's more!

Well no, but there will be.

See you soon.