Interesting Times

I have to admit, the last two weeks have been far more entertaining than I possibly could have hoped for. Who knew that watching everything that matters being destroyed would be so funny. Look, there's only two possibilities. Either there was massive fraud. And I mean massive. Like Trump got 18 votes nationwide and Muskie had some software to up the count a bit. I don't believe that. First, because I'm not a conspiracy theory guy, and 2. I'm not sure if you have noticed but nothing that Muskie makes actually, you know, works. 

So I'm forced to conclude that 10s of millions of people voted for Trump. And to me, even more comically, people like Rick Scott and Ted Cruz. Seriously, picture somebody, anybody, waking up on election morning and saying to themselves, "Clem, you've gotta throw on a dirty white tank top undershirt and haul your butt up to the post office pert near the trailer park and the Waffle House and go vote for Ted Cruz. He sure is one heck of a feller. My kind of boy. He sure does understand and care for folks like me." Apparently this happens. And not just once. Millions of times. And in the case of Trumpie, 10s of millions. "Yup, that's my boy!"

But I digress. So since I'm ruling out massive voting fraud. What’s left is worse. Most of us are douches. I already knew a lot of us are douches. But I always felt like we were the good guys. That we were unique and special. Yes, we fuck up sometimes. Especially that whole misunderstanding about slavery and dropping a second atomic bomb for no apparent reason. But overall, I thought we were good folks. Turns out we suck. 

Another thing I realized is that the Civil War never ended. The shooting stopped, Lincoln died, and there was a sale on white linens. But it turns out the War had never really ended. But it's over now. The south won. Both the American south and the southern part of the Kremlin. They won, we lost. As it turns out, we should have let them win back then. Because on their own they couldn't have discovered science that could end the actual species. They couldn't have planned it better themselves. Let the north think they've won long enough to make cool stuff using all those test tubes and brain cells. Then we will take it all and destroy the world to get Jesus back here to clean up the mess. A perfect, though slightly convoluted plan.

So anyway, I'm keeping a rather detached view of the whole thing and it really is wildly entertaining. It's "On the Beach", "Handmaid's Tale", and the roadshow of "Bachelor in Uzbekistan", all at once.

And of course I know I'm not immune. I'll end up as nuclear toast or someone will come throw a bag over my head and I'll wake up in Guantanamo. Or not wake up at all. I get it. 

And in a way I admire Putin’s efficiency and skills as a motivational speaker. He has had Trump running around signing things. He has a pen stitched to his tiny little hand. It should actually be a lighter. As he burns the Constitution, good sense, and the greatest hope mankind ever had.

Did I mention the part where it's funny? I still mean it. Tragedy plus time equals comedy they say. Not this time. It's hilarious as it happens. Do you want to know why? Because I told you so. Yes, me. I told anyone who would listen. And not last year, two years ago. Not even 10 or 20 years ago. No, you daffy fucks, I told you 45 years ago. I knew the night that Ronald Reagan was elected that it was over. I knew at that moment that we had turned our back on what had made us great. That when push comes to shove, we hate brown people more than we love liberty. It's something pretty close to that simple. For 45 years we watched as more and more people were brainwashed into delusion until they could no longer see reality even if it bit them on both tits. In truth, it didn't take much convincing. Fat Rupert was just telling them things that they already wanted to believe anyway.

So now it's over. Every day brings more fun and fury, laughter and disaster. C'mon, a group of unelected, unofficial mental patients take over the treasury and there is no one left to do a god damn thing about it except quit and go home? That's hysterical. I couldn't write that shit. It's too funny. Too good. Trumpie, disbands the FAA advisory committee, freezes ATC hiring, throws the agency into chaos and then we have the first mid-air collision in decades. You'd walk out of that movie because it's too farfetched. And then he gets on TV and blames chicks with dicks while bodies are still being dredged from the river. Brilliant! 

Look, I'm gonna die, you're gonna die, your dentist is gonna die (probably while you are having a root canal), we are all going to die. The only difference is we will probably all get to do it together after watching the greatest show ever assembled.

And I guess that's the point of these paragraphs of drivel. No matter how bad it gets, remember this. 

WE DESERVE IT!

We had it all. We had the ability to create heaven on earth. We could have made a country, maybe even a world, of health, glory and abundance. We have more than enough resources. But we didn't want that. We want Revelation. And even if you personally didn't want that you didn't care enough to stop those who do. And now they are going to end the world. Tragic. Funny. But most certainly the greatest show on earth. And it's last. At least with us as part of it.

Last call everybody! You've got no home left to go home to, but you can’t stay here.