So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night

Ok. On the off chance anybody is reading this shit. In the previous entry I promised some source material on my various published work. I explained how All In: The Poker Musical came into existence through a literary C-section.

Eventually I will get around to talking a little bit about Why The Fuck Not?, Frum God, The Monochrome Solution and Silencer’s End. But there is no hurry. Especially since there is a good chance that no one ever reads it. On the other hand, if you’ve come here looking for it, it will be here eventually. Along with any other random shit that happens to cross what’s left of my tiny little mind.

Like this for example: So what’s with the Auf Wiedersehen?

Literally it’s the Sound of Music song with the 37 cute kids singing it on the staircase. But today I had reason to consider the way we greet people on both ends. Coming and going. Why, you might ask, do I or anyone else give a shit? That’s where the story starts….

I went to an early dinner with my cousin at a sports bar-ish place. Ok, this isn’t the witness protection program so I’ll tell you it was the ale house in South Florida. Its been there so long that I’m pretty sure Ponce De Leon had lunch there at least once. It was good. The waiter was nice and prompt. I had this dish called chimichurri lime chicken. It was really good.

About 15 minutes in the manager stopped by the table. Though you wouldn’t have known it was the manager by looking at him. He wore no uniform or identifying items of any kind. Not even those cheesy tucked in polo shirts that chain restaurants sometimes wrap their managers up in. But I had no reason to doubt he was the manager. There is no point to a fiendish plot in which someone impersonates a restaurant manager to ask me how my meal is going.

Ok, I’m going to be a somewhat mean here. He was a bit weird. Had we met in a different context I might have thought he was as they now say, “experiencing homelessness”. As if saying it that way might make it somewhat less shitty to be homeless. But that’s a different story.

He was a little sunburned in that odd way that homeless people get. His wrinkled clothes looked like they were borrowed from someone a bit bigger than him and his hair was “uneven”. As if he had made a reasonably successful attempt to cut it himself. He was probably 40 but his teeth looked considerably older, maybe early 60’s or so. There was just a bit of an “off” vibe coming from the guy in general. But he was definitely nice enough. He quickly asked how things were going. We said “great” even though the meals hadn’t come yet so I had no real basis on which to judge anything except a glass of ice water. Which was good too by the way.

The food came promptly and as I said earlier it was quite good. It was something I had never tried before but I’ve always been a big fan of both lime and chimichurri so this was definitely right up my alley.

What does any of this have to do with greetings? You may ask, and rightly so. Well, nothing so far but I’m getting to it. Calm the fuck down for Christ’s sake. Which does, actually, have something to do with this.

After the meal my cousin had left and I had gone to the men’s room for my 39th piss of the day. It has occurred to me that the purpose of my entire existence might very well be to convert various liquids into urine for some unknown, but very important part of the earth’s ecosystem.

As I was leaving I saw the manager in my path. I have been running a poker room for 12 years and generally about 99 percent of my interactions with our guests involve someone complaining about something. I’m not, in fact, complaining about their complaining because it is a fundamental and important part of my job for a bunch of boring reasons. But because of that, over the years I have made a conscious effort, only when it’s very easy, to tell a restaurant manager when I have a good experience. I have no doubt that they, like me, hear from their guests mostly when something has gone wrong and there is something to complain about. I like the idea of telling them that something has gone right. And I like it when one of my poker room guests tell me that something has gone right.

I told him that the food was excellent and that the service from our waiter had been perfect. His response was swift and brief. He said something along the lines of “thanks very much”. As I continued to walk past he added one last thing: “Have a blessed day”.

Do I find that objectionable? No. Do I find it interesting and worth exploring? Why, yes I do. Thanks for asking. It was interesting enough that I spent the entire drive from the restaurant to my office at the casino pondering. I do a great deal of pondering. It is preferable in a lot of ways to meaningful, productive work. And it’s free unless you count an internet connection. Some of my best pondering is done while surfing the interwebs for information related to said ponder.

So what, if anything does it mean when someone says have a blessed day as a parting greeting? Welcome to my rabbit hole. First of all its technically called a “parting ways greeting” and as you probably expected, there are a fuck ton of them. Are you ready? Here’s the top 20 ways to say goodbye to a possibly homeless restaurant manager after you’ve had a pretty good chicken dish:

1. Adieu

2. Auf Wiedersehen

3. Bye

4. Cheerio

5. Farewell

6. Goodbye

7. Later

8. See you later

9. So long

10. Take care

11. Ta-ta

12. Until we meet again

13. Adios

14. Ciao

15. Hasta luego

16. Sayonara

17. Au revoir

18. Toodle-oo

19. Have a great day

20. Catch you later

You might notice that “Have a blessed day” didn’t make the top 20. Apparently it’s even less popular than the time honored Toodle-oo. Although these results are not backed by peer reviewed scientific studies.

I’m going to draw a distinction between every version of “see-ya” on this list vs. Have a blessed day. All of the things on the list are about the other person. The person you are saying goodbye to. A handful contain instructions for the other person. Have a great day. Fine, if you insist. Take care. Ok, I had planned on gouging my eyes with knitting needles but your sage advice has convinced me otherwise. Farewell. Thanks, I’ll try.

All of them on the list, even the annoying ones are about the other person. The person you are saying goodbye to. Have a Blessed day, does contain instructions for the other person, but it is really all about the person saying it. It is the only one that tries to say something about the person saying it, rather than having anything at all to do with the person hearing it. So what exactly are they trying to say when someone says have a blessed day?

This is what I hear. Your results may vary.

By virtue of my belief in a higher power that has the ability to bless me, I am proving myself to be a person with a very specific kind of virtue. It is incumbent upon you to duplicate and signal this exact kind of virtue. Any other form of virtue does not count at all as virtue and when you die, you will go to hell. Or New Jersey. Scripture is not specific about which one.

You want to be religious? Fine, its still a relatively free country. I suspect that if it were up to people like you it wouldn’t be. But that’s a bit much to lay on you alone. You want to tell me to have a blessed day? That’s fine too. It can’t hurt. But rest assured that you have also told me something about yourself. It’s all about you.

Narcissism. You are almost certainly a narcissist.

Good day……. I said GOOD DAY!!

Oh, two more things before I go. First, if I’m an idiot and don’t know what I’m talking about, by all means feel free to leave a comment and let me know in no uncertain terms.

Also…..

KEEP YOUR NEEDS SIMPLE AND YOUR MASTERS FEW

I think that’s gonna be my catch phrase. Everybody should have a catch phr