SEX . . . and other complications

Prepare to hate me even more than you did before. I don’t think I am going to say anything particularly controversial, but it is the nature of this beast that there is no way to maneuver around it without catching at least a little of his or her horns.

Let’s start with a disclaimer. When it comes to sex, I have absolutely zero interest in who does what with whom. As long as everyone involved is of legal age and consenting I say go to it. And good luck!

Two men? Sure! Two women? Even better. Two women, a man and a French bread? Ok, well, sure! Two men, a woman, a transgender botanist and little more than a liter of soy sauce? Ok then! Two Rabbis, Brendan Frasier and the Ronnettes? You get the idea.

I simply don’t have enough time to worry about who is schtupping whom. I barely can work up enough give-a-shit to worry about what I do, let alone anyone else.

With that said, I do wonder about homosexuality. Not about homosexuals. More about the supposedly hetero people who are absolutely fixated on cocks, and their various ins and outs, comings and goings.

Ron DeSantis, a man about as straight as a man can be (insert cough here), is absolutely obsessed with male sexual genitalia. It’s all he talks about. I heard him say the other day that he dreams of smacking every homosexual erection with a custom designed version of the King James Bible. Of course not. I made that part up. But the man does spend an inordinate amount of time pondering hot man on man action. I know he loves to pander to the rubes but come on, enough already. Perhaps the lady doth protest too much.

It’s not just him. The entire traitorous right wing is obsessed with all things gay and transgender. Seriously, I just don’t get it. By any rational observation these are just people just trying to live their lives. I just can’t see how they could possibly be hurting anyone.

Before I go further, I must cop to my own personal biases from my own upbringing. At that time, being gay was about the worst thing you could be. Dressing up as Hitler would have gone over better than showing even the slightest crack in my armor of heterosexuality. They were fags, homos, and everything about them was disgusting. It took decades of my own evolution and society’s in order to overcome this bias, so deep were the roots. It wasn’t all that long ago that it was perfectly ok for Sam Kinison to ask; “What makes one man look at another man's hairy ass, and find love? How exactly does that work?”

Before I get into the why of the “conservative” obsession with gayness, let’s talk about what makes a person gay. I have never, not for a moment, wished I was gay. I know myself well enough to know I haven’t the strength to live with being mocked and ostracized in that way. I’m simply not capable. For that matter I could not have been born black. I could not possibly have overcome the handicap of starting out in the batter's box with two strikes, while my white “brothers” started from first, second or already rounding third.

I will often hear, or read, of gay people being asked one of the great stupid questions of all time: “when did you first know you were gay?” It makes me wish I were gay just long enough to answer the question with; “I don’t recall, when did you know you were straight?”

I knew I was straight by the time I was four years old. It’s one of my earliest memories. There was just something I liked about girls. I had no idea why or what I might want to do about it, I just knew I liked them. Actually things haven’t changed that much. I still like them. And I still have no idea what to do with them. I know I want to please them. Even more, I knew I wanted them to like me. I’ve spent most of my life pretending that women’s approval didn’t matter to me. Bullshit. It matters. It always did. And I’m no outlier. Most men spend their lives seeking the approval and acceptance of any and all women.

I’m way off topic here but let’s go with it for the second. I would argue that the driving force behind almost all male behavior is the approval and acceptance of women. Mommy issues? Maybe, but that’s just the start of it. Men want to get rich for power, yes. But we’ve all seen the 80 year old billionaire with the 30 year old wife. We have all heard the phrase, “men are only as faithful as their opportunities”. Which is true, but I’m proud to say not universally so. The flip side of course is the anger unleashed in men when they cannot gain the approval of women. We need only witness the vile behavior of the online incel army that harasses any woman who dares seek equality or a voice.

I would argue that this duality of worship/hate is the cornerstone of every organized religion. The sheep molesters that authored this nonsense chose to cast women as less than men. Fear of inadequacy is as powerful a motivator then as it is now. So it must be Eve who eats the apple, bringing the bewildered Adam down with her. It must be women who are beaten in public for the crime of wanting a voice, or learning to read.

But I digress . . .

Our own American Taliban, the Christian right, are trying to undo centuries of progress. They are still trying to punish women with that silly book, still for eating that apple. Their overwhelming fear of inadequacy forces them to crush women underfoot. To bring them to heel. If they cannot please women then God himself must damn them, and bring them within male control.

So why are the bible thumpers so obsessed with gay and gayness. Well, their book (at least the parts the preachers tell them about) teaches them that women and sex are dirty. Yes, it relates. Because once you start telling children that sex is dirty, they will hate themselves for their natural sexual thoughts. They will be ashamed. They will do almost anything to suppress those feelings. But we are wired to be sexual creatures. You cannot shame those desires out of humans. And so they come raining in like water through a leaky roof. The more they try to repress sexuality, the more the cracks appear. So they must hate sex. They must hate sexuality. And most of all they must hate homosexuals.

In fact, they concoct these elaborate fantasies that gay people spend their days trying to “groom” otherwise straight children into being gay. Being gay is not a religion. It almost never works that way (except, perhaps, in prison). You can’t make a gay person straight or vice versa. They can’t and don't try to recruit new members. Christians see danger in every silly drag show and every book that says the word gay, or god forbid, treats a gay character as a normal and healthy individual. This makes the evangelicals literally crazy. Crazy enough to shoot up a pizza restaurant while demanding to be brought to its non-existent basement, while ignoring the actual pedophiles, like the tens of thousands of proven sexual abuse cases in the Catholic church. Yet not a tear is shed by these myopic, delusional evangelicals.

But what about their own sexual feelings? What can they do with them? Well the leaks drain out in so many ways. How many preachers and bible thumpers have been found in a motel with an eight ball and a male prostitute? It’s almost expected. When you deny your natural sexuality it's going to come out in all forms of unhealthy weirdness and fetishes. What kind of person will become a priest and swear off of sex for the rest of their life? A sick one. A person so tortured by the dirtiness of sex that it becomes channeled in the most horrifying and disgusting way. The pedophile priest is no statistical outlier. The statistics show it is closer to being a pitiful and terrifying norm.

If sex is terrifying and dirty to those victimized by a religious upbringing, what then, is homosexuality? What then, if that person finds themselves at four years old finding those of the same sex attractive? They will then double, triple and quadruple down on the evil of sexuality and bury their own desires beneath an avalanche of self-loathing and disgust. It will come out as the most public of seething hatred for gay people. Even most gay people face a long road to self-acceptance as they cope with the double-dose of self-loathing that their religious upbringing has poisoned them with.

Again I will bring this back to myself. If I had been born gay I would have spent my life burying it beneath a pile of male bravado. I would have spent my days proving to myself and the world that I was not gay. I would have been the first in line to vote against gay equal rights, gay adoption and gay marriage. I would have been yelling “fag” at passersby for little or no apparent reason. But I’m not and I don’t. I am and always have been secure in my sexuality (at least that makes one thing). I also benefited from almost nonexistent religious dogma. My parents were not religious in a conventional sense and did not stuff me full of dangerous nonsense. This has allowed me the breathing room to not give a flying fuck about who schtups whom. Of course as long as all involved are of age and consenting.

Which brings us back to Ronnie D. and the rest of the Village people, aka the religious right, The American Taliban and collectively, dipshits. Is this why they hate LGBTQ so much? Are they each a tangled miasma of tortured self-loathing and pitiful self-anger reflected out into the world. Yes. Of course their leaders and Fox News performers whip up the rage of the dunces for their own enrichment, profit and political gain. And of course it works. Hate sells. Lies get around the world before truth ties its shoes.

Ok, before we go, let’s talk a little transgender. Everything above applies to this as well. With a couple of important distinctions. I have absolutely no problem with anyone who wishes to change their sex either physically or apparently. It causes no harm to me or anyone else.

However, this is a rare occasion where I find myself in agreement about a couple of things with the republican lunatics. First, I don't believe that transgender surgical procedures should be performed on anyone under 18 whether the parents approve or not. Anyone who has ever met an actual child knows why. A kid might change their sexual identity 10 times before they are 18. It is the job of an enlightened society to sometimes protect our children from themselves. If they still want to go through with it when they are of age, fine, go for it.

The other reason is out of respect for women. Women have, and still are fighting an uphill battle for equality. Most female athletics are still treated like the red-headed step child. Now some dick wielding nobody says he’s a woman. That asshole in Pennsylvania was like the 400th ranked in men's swimming, but won all the women's events, breaking some records along the way. It’s not right and it's not fair. The woman who finished second really won, and I believe she was eventually granted the win. But what about the nameless woman who never even got to swim because that cock was in the pool?

No, there is a simple way to fix this. You are assigned as male or female at birth depending on what equipment you got. It matters for only two things. If you have a cock then you use a men's bathroom and compete in men's sports.

Other than that, do what you want. Call yourself whatever you want. Dress however you like. And once you are 18 have whatever medical interventions you please. Feel free to remove your dick or get an addadicktomy. It’s your call

As usual, thanks for reading and don’t forget that my book “Why the Fuck Not” is now available.